Reading time: 6 minutes<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n There is a moment that caregivers know well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The one where the person you love, your father, your mother, your husband, he gets agitated, becomes stiff, starts saying things that don't add up, or looks at you as if you were a stranger<\/strong>. And you're there, still, with your heart in your throat, wondering: what do I do now?<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n No manual really teaches you this. Courses talk about "managing difficult behavior," but when you're in the kitchen at 8 PM and things are escalating, the course slides seem far away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This article is for those moments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The first instinct is to understand Why<\/em> What's happening? Do you have a headache? Did you have a bad dream? Did you do something wrong?<\/p>\n\n\n\n At that moment, however, you may not be able to immediately find an answer. And while agitation is already high, persisting with questions, explanations, or attempts at reasoning can increase tension. Possible causes include pain, physical discomfort, fatigue, noise, changes in environment or routine., they should not be ignored<\/strong>: can be evaluated more carefully when the situation allows.<\/p>\n\n\n\n What you can do, instead, is take action on the environment and on yourself. Now.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Don't raise your voice to make yourself heard. Instead, try to speak calmly, slowly, using simple sentences and giving the person time to respond.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n In times of turmoil, the way you communicate can make all the difference. <\/strong>A calm, non-threatening tone can help reduce tension, while speaking quickly, insisting, or trying to persuade the person can make communication even more difficult.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Before you answer, try slowing down for a few seconds. Lower your shoulders, take a breath, and then speak.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Television on, light too bright, several people talking, noises from the corridor: too many stimuli can increase discomfort and make it more difficult to orient yourself<\/strong>, especially for a person with dementia or cognitive impairment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n There's no need to make grand gestures. Turn off the TV if it's not necessary. Reduce noise, limit the number of people present for a few minutes, and try to create a quieter environment.<\/strong> Lighting can also make a difference: it's best to avoid conditions that are too intense, too low, or that create confusing shadows and reflections.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Reducing stimuli does not mean isolating the person:<\/strong> It means trying to make the environment simpler and less tiring to interpret in a moment of difficulty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This is perhaps the hardest thing. Because it goes against instinct.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n If he says something that isn't true, if he complains about something you can't see, or if he feels he needs to go somewhere, the natural reflex is to correct him: \u201cNo, Dad, you don\u2019t have to go anywhere.\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re wrong.\u201d \u201cThat didn\u2019t happen.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n But insisting on correcting, arguing or trying to convince the person can increase tension<\/strong>. In that moment, what she is experiencing may be very real to her, even if you know otherwise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This doesn't mean agreeing with her on everything or confirming something that isn't true. Rather, it means listen to what he is trying to communicate and recognize the emotion behind it<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sometimes a simple sentence like \u201cI understand that this thing worries you.\u201d<\/em>, \u201cI'm here with you\u201d<\/em> or \u201cLet's see what we can do together\u201d<\/em> It may be more helpful than a long explanation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The goal, at that moment, is not to prove who is right: it is to try to reduce the tension and make the person feel listened to and safe.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n In those moments, Even the way you move and position yourself can influence the situation<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you're tense, scared, or exhausted\u2014and this can easily happen\u2014you might speak faster, stiffen your posture, or move more abruptly without even realizing it. A person with dementia may have difficulty understanding words, but still grasp them. tone of voice, facial expressions, posture, and other nonverbal cues<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It's not about pretending to be fine or feeling responsible for their agitation. It's about, when possible, giving yourself a few seconds before reacting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Slow down. Lower your shoulders. Take a breath. Avoid sudden movements and approach while respecting their space.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n It's just a few seconds, but it can help you deal with what's happening more calmly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Once the situation stabilizes, there is a common trend: carry on as if nothing had happened<\/strong>. Put away, continue with dinner, reply to the message that was waiting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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\n\n\n\nFirst of all: don't try to figure everything out at the moment<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nThe 3 things to do (even when your mind goes blank)<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
1. Lower your voice<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
2. Reduce the stimuli around you<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
3. Don't contradict, accompany<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nOne thing that no one says enough<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nAfter he calms down: take care of yourself<\/h3>\n\n\n\n